Shame on me – I started smoking again

Just over seven years ago I gave up smoking. It had been a long time in coming if I’m honest, and not my first attempt.

A previous partner had encouraged me to give up in my early 30’s and so I tried hypnotherapy. All I discovered from that was it didn’t work for me. I had patches to help from Boots whilst still smoking. I mean, really…

This time though, less than a decade later, I had a true purpose to be more healthy – ill health. There’s nothing like finding out that your one habit you really enjoy is making you more ill.

At first I gave up smoking in the car. I could easily smoke two ciggies on my way to see my horses 3 miles up the road. It is embarrassing when I think about it, truly. How anyone could smoke that much in such a short distance is beyond me. But that is the evil weed for you – hooks you right in and won’t let go.

One day, about 3 months on, I developed a tickle in my throat that I just knew would become an irritating cough lasting all night the moment I lay my head on the pillow. So at 9.45pm that evening I put out my last roll up so that I could sleep.

The following morning I simply didn’t want one but I left all my smoking paraphenalia on my desk just in case. I had no urge the entire day (and no coughing overnight either) so by the time I went to bed that night, it had been a 24hour smoke free zone in our house.

And I never smoked another cigarette from that moment on. I didn’t have any urge but could easily stand with smokers without feeling cravings. My lungs and breathing became easier within days, the yellow stain on my middle finger right hand disappeared almost overnight and the smell in the house dissipated in pretty much the same time frame.

It’s only when you stop smoking that you realise how much of an addictive habit it actually is. You plan when to smoke depending on where and with whom you are going to be, especially as now it is restricted in so many places.

So why on earth did I begin smoking again about 2 months ago? I was with a friend who was smoking a roll up and I just got the urge. Honestly, it tasted disgusting but I kept on smoking it. Then I cadged a drag or two off my daughter when she was puffing away; deeply hypocritical of me seeing as I had repeatedly told her how ridiculous she looked smoking!

And so it progressed until one fateful evening I walked to the newsagents to buy some baccy. Why? I knew that by doing this I was beginning a bad habit all over again and I still had the same health issue which would, again, be affected detrimentally by smoking. Yet the compunction to smoke was very strong.

Every fibre of my body is telling me to stop, yet whilst I know intellectually that I must, I don’t seem willing to quite yet. It will happen and I will stop wasting precious money on such a horrible habit.

Watch this space.

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2 thoughts on “Shame on me – I started smoking again

  1. Pingback: Giving up the habit again | livingwest

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